everything in me wanted to call her and beg her nt to leave this way. even knowing she was taking another woman to her bedroom…i don’t care…i just wanted to work it out. i just don’t want to lose what i feel we have potential to be. bt if after 6 mos its nt worth fighting for then i don’t want her to stay just bc i beg. i need her companionship bt i need her to need mine too. i know what i want…bt im nt sure she does. or maybe she does bt she thinks i don’t want to hear it. maybe she thinks hiding it will hurt less… she is wrong. i threw up last night trying to hold back tears when my suspicions were comfirmed. i instantly fell in love with her the first time we met and i never used to believe that can could happen. i never knew jealousy before her. i feel desperate for her. its hard nt to show it…bt I don’t want to pressure her. if she doesn’t feel the same then maybe its best this way.
I was supposed to wake up in her arms today to her sweet passionate kisses not wanting to leave her bed because it had taken me far too long to climb in it. this was supposed to be my first weekend at her house cooking her breakfast as repayment for warm home cooked dinner and a night of hot sex. This was supposed to be the next chapter of our adventure… Kayaking in her creek then dancing and flirting around a bon fire. but I guess she’ll share those memories with someone else.
I’ve lived with bated breath, longing for that liminal space btw her gentle caress and her firm finger fuck, only for her to realize it isn’t me she wants.
I want to kiss you. I want to take your face in my hands and pull your lips to mine. I want to push in to your body with so much passion that it leaves you breathless. I want to taste you. I want to run my hands through the back of your hair and down to your waist. I want to feel your heartbeat against mine. I want to overwhelm you with my kiss. I want to lightly bite your lip after pressing against it. Soft. Hard. Back to soft. Back to hard. I want to feel you smile against my lips. I want to feel your skin beneath my fingertips. I want to kiss you with such intensity that once we finish, you’re left gasping, eyes closed, lips still moving in rhythm. I want to show you how much I want you.
